VI. Luxury Problems
So, you’ve achieved a state of success in your life, regarding women. Perhaps you’ve noticed that certain consequences follow that success. In my life, I’ve found there are definitely consequences to being successful with multiple women. Granted, my public exposure has compounded the situation, but I know there are certain situations that arise in a player’s life that normal dudes don’t face. Here are several that I’ll explain in detail below:
- Managing a Reputation.
- Moving Beyond “Body Count.”
- Leaving Sexy Women Alone.
- Logistics and Female Menstruation.
- Disease & Pregnancy
- Loneliness
- Soiled Linens
- Sexual Ennui
Managing a Reputation
It’s unlikely that you will have exposure at the public level or the national level, as I’ve had. I’ll be the first to tell you that it has been both a blessing and curse. There have been gimme-girls who have thrown themselves at me because of the publicity. I had a Polish model come over a day after my Today Show appearance and ask for sex. She arrived in a $200,000 Aston Martin, parked and came up into my tiny apartment. She was dressed head-to-toe in Chanel, which she proceeded to remove. I fucked her in my leather chair with her high-heels on. That was fun.
And there was the time a girl recognized me at RoseBar, an extremely upscale, sexy hotel bar. She had read about my exploits on the internet blogs and wanted a piece. She came over to perform fellatio and asked for a rating. I told her “top quartile,” which seemed to satisfy her.
But there has been fallout, as well. I’m sometimes recognized by women on the street, and surprisingly, by random women I pick up. At least a dozen times, women have been receptive and given their numbers only to withdraw later when they put two-and-two together. It turns out that women have an inherent dislike of men who have a casual approach to meeting and sleeping with females. There are probably legitimate reasons they feel that way, but I’m not interested at the moment in exploring the reasons why. The fact is what may impress a guy – hustling tons of chicks – is a super turn-off to women. One of the reasons is that it neutralizers their power: when I have plenty of options, I can walk away from their demands and incessant bullshit.
Women love a relationship with a captive man (though they won’t respect him) because it’s one of the few domains in this male-dominated world in which they can exercise control. Much of a woman’s motivation is a desire to exercise more control over her environment. Many women do this in their relationship; a player is so clearly beyond their control that they turn away from him. The secret to maintaining integrity in the game is to keep the appearance of availability – thus feeding her desire for control – while keeping a stable of women so she has no real leverage because you can get the milk from many different cows. If you want the keys to the kingdom, I’ve just given them to you. Read that underlined sentence again.
So, don’t broadcast the fact that you’re building a stable of women. I’ve been outed (through my own doing; I had my reasons) but if you want to enjoy the game for a sustained period, don’t let on that you’ve got all these women in your pocket. Obvious tactics include:
Don’t reveal the number of sexual partners you had; avoid these conversations. If you’re cornered, you’re going to have to be honest – which may cost you the girl – or, you’ll have to lie and minimize the number. I’d say use the future to your advantage. Just as women rave about the blowjob they’re going to give you at some point, push the conversation into the nebulous future with, “I’ve been with enough girlfriends to give you the attention you deserve.”
Don’t get caught picking up multiple girls. Years ago, I thought it was cool (and ego boosting) to hustle three or four girls in a group or in small locale. It always backfired and I never slept with any of the women. They all talk. That’s what they do instead of playing sports.
Don’t frequent the same spots regularly unless the population is transient. Regulars will see your rap and intrude on the woman’s behalf. You’d be surprised how other women (often older) interject to “warn” the girl with whom you’re talking. It’s none of their business, but it will ruin your rap.
Don’t confuse first names.
Moving beyond Body Count
Several months ago I experienced a strange emotion. I was at the peak of my rap, meeting dozens of girls a week and engaging them with such confidence that my hit rate was nearly 100% (I would always get the number and they would come right over for the first date, usually resulting in sex). I had a moment when I realized this approach can have deep psychological ramifications. Each girl was just another tic on the sheet. It’s no coincidence that my peak performance coincided with this feeling of alienation. There’s a direct correlation with how smooth a guy is and how emotionally disconnected he is to the girl. That’s because if you don’t care, you’re not self-conscious and that insouciance comes across in many non-verbal ways.
But, this emotional distance also corrodes the heart of the player. As living things, we all seek to make a connection with other living things. Some commune with Nature, others with science or art, some with people. I think, at their core, players are really interested in forming connections with lots of people. They’re searching for an intimacy, but with many, not one. A profound sense of isolation sets in when a guy realizes that the next girl is just like the last one and she will also fade into the sea of past conquests. I have experienced just such a disquieting effect on my soul.
The solution, I’ve found, is to move beyond Body Count. I have transitioned into teaching game, because in many ways, my story has run its course. I still meet plenty of women, but I’m moving beyond the sexual conquest and hoping to find a real union. Don’t get me wrong – I think that sex is fundamental, and needs to be explored quickly in a relationship. But, I use my skills now to sort through women and I’m trying to spend time only with those girls that promise a real connection.
If you implement the lessons in this book and find that you’re confident and able to attract many women into your life, just beware that the satisfaction of victory over your former failures and the concomitant ego boost will soon wear off. A player can only keep loneliness at bay for so long. You will have to develop a deeper capacity to form a respectful union with a woman.
Leaving Sexy Women Alone
This will certainly become a nuisance to you (and others) as your game develops. As you become confident and able, you’ll view the social landscape as a playing field, full of gorgeous, sexy, available women. And you should. As a man, it’s central to your life source and virility to look upon the world of women with a deep appetite. As you learn how to eat from this cornucopia, you’ll see every venue as suitable for “game.” Again, you’re right. There’s no terrain that’s off-limits: I’ve tried picking up the receptionist at an STD clinic (no dice).
But, here’s the But Other people will find your behavior distracting. Ultimately, who cares, but it can produce strain. And, more importantly, you will have a hard time passing sexy women by. Every time a hot girl walks past you on the street, sits near you on the bus, in the movie theater, or at a restaurant, your mind will go into scheming mode. I think this is a great improvement from your former self when you were filled with self-doubt and anxiety. But, the better your skills become, the more you’ll feel the “burden of the hustle.” If you know you can probably fuck the hot girl walking towards you, you’re going to want to act. If you don’t because of this-or-that, you’ll chastise yourself for minutes or hours afterwards. Not a pleasant way to go through life.
I struggled with this for some time. For example, in the morning I walk 4 blocks to get coffee at Starbucks. I pass a big subway entrance in front of a commuter college. There are always cute women running around. However, I’m pretty useless before my coffee, so I leave it alone, usually. But, I’ve often passed a really cute girl but I was just getting up and groggy and didn’t want to turn it on, so I left it alone, only to beat myself up for the next block or two. I’ve come to realize that this is the cost of doing business as a player. To reprise the line from my former hedge fund boss, “You can’t kiss all the girls.” He meant it in the context of buying promising companies, but it’s a great principle.
Just be aware that the better you get at this, the more women there will appear to be, and the more you’ll feel the pull to engage each one. That’s a lot of pressure for one man. If you’re not careful, it can have an isolating effect as your reality becomes the consumption of women. Your social life can suffer. I’d recommend making a conscious effort to keep time for the men in your life by scheduling time dedicated to hanging with the boys.
Also know that you will always have that tinge of regret as you pass a sexy woman and don’t engage her. You probably feel that now, but it’s much worse when you’re confident you could bed her with a little effort.
And forget about the temptation this skill creates if you find yourself in an exclusive long-term relationship. You’ll need to compartmentalize this behavior, in the interests of all parties concerned.
Logistics and Female Menstruation
This is a fun one, kind of like Tetris. You have to make all the pieces fit together, just so. Depending, each of your girls will be out of the game for five to seven days a month. If you choose to bang your girls on their periods, which I do, make sure you have several sets of sheet and a good dry cleaner. The better your skills become, the more women flood into your life. As this happens you’ll find yourself confronted with a new sexual problem: scheduling. I don’t use software; you may choose to do so. At issue is how to time encounters so that there’s no blood and also how to keep your women happy if you don’t see them when they’re on the rag.
Granted this is a luxury problem – a direct result of too much of a good thing. Most women, to their credit, understand their limited utility as casual partners when they’re menstruating. Generous ones will offer their mouths (or other orifices). Most, however, will be happy with a couple nice texts during their flow in which you say hi, but don’t propose to meet. I’ve recently encountered a girl who knowing engaged me in an involved night, while suppressing information that she was bleeding until the last possible moment, after I’d played all my cards. I say an “involved” night because I gave up other options on a Saturday night to take this one out for a couple glasses of wine at a nice outdoor bar near my place before bringing her back home. (Of course I’d already fucked her, don’t insult me!) So, she kept this crucial information to herself until I’d given her the date she wanted. She definitely played me. So beware of that strategy, too.
Disease & Pregnancy
This is an obvious risk for any guy who sleeps with lots of girls. Latex condoms protect against pregnancy and most disease; lambskin ones don’t, so avoid those. Keep in mind that herpes can be transmitted from her mouth to your dick, so careful. I’d get a good look at those lips (both sets, if you can) before too much contact. Also, condoms don’t necessary protect against genital herpes; a lesion on the outside of her labia can rub virus on your balls, of other parts of your groin. Obviously, don’t mess around with a chick who has visible lesions.
I had a scare around New Year’s. A very hot little stripper I met Halloween finally came over and I banged her at a friend’s place. We had great sex, and I used a condom. But, my tongue and fingers had been inside her ass, pussy and mouth and she’d blown me without a condom several times. She looked clean.
She called me a week later saying she’d tested positive for Herpes Simplex II, which is the genital variety. I got nervous and had my blood tested. Thankfully, I was negative, though positive for Chlamydia (treatment: shot in the ass and two big purple antibiotic pills). It turns out that Herpes can “shed,” meaning the virus is just below the surface of the skin (and thus not visible as a manifested lesion) but that it exudes viral contagion nonetheless. Transmission during “shedding” is less likely than during active sores, but not negligible. I was lucky. The lesson here is that a seemingly-clean pussy may still have infection. Careful.
Pregnancy is also a concern, unless you want a litter of illegitimate kids running around and baby mamas coming after you for child support. Condoms take care of this for the most part, but as humans we’re not 100% with anything. I have two male friends – erstwhile players – who have recently become unplanned fathers with women they had as casual sex partners. One got her pregnant as a result of a one night stand; the other was banging this college freshman while he was taking some graduate classes. (Full disclosure: I got a Northeastern freshman pregnant in 2002 but she had an abortion.)
So now, these men, despite relative youth and independence, have had to assume responsibility for another life, in several ways. The financial contribution will continue for at least 18 years, enforceable by law. Both still chase girls and have successful sex lives, but as this baby grows up, their lives will become more complicated, for better or worse.
This isn’t a parenting guide of any sort. I just want to drive home the point that if you go from having no sex to having sex with multiple women your percentage chance of unintended pregnancy goes from 0% to some positive number.
Loneliness
Certainly, loneliness is an element of the general human condition and isn’t a subject of concern for players, only. It also seems that different people are more-or-less prone to loneliness. I enjoy the continued company and presence of a girl I really love, but if I’m single, I don’t always want a casual girl around. They can become a burden for any number of reasons, including limiting my ability to meet others or limiting my freedom of movement and activity in my already tiny apartment. And, additional carrying-costs develop because the issue of “who pays” comes up. Generally speaking, a woman that is giving you consistent sex wants to spend time with you outside of the bedroom.
I don’t suffer from acute loneliness (at least not consciously) and I have enjoyed being single these last six months. But, I want options when I choose to be social. I’m part of an organization that is very social, and I see those folks a few times a week. Also, I’ve maintained strong relationships with the men in my life, which I recommend.
This is a key point for an aspiring player. Women – even the serious ones – come and go, but real male friends remain. The exception, of course, is a woman you marry, but then there’s the 50% chance of divorce. You’re really going to need your men when that happens! I may not see some of my college buddies for a bit, but they’re always reliably there, if I need them. That changes a bit after men get married and start families, but for the most part, the male friends in my life are consistent and easy to connect with – there’s no drama.
Here’s another key way in which your male relationships are different from the relationships you develop with women: for the most part, men have unconditional relationships with each other, whereas men and women develop highly conditional relationships. It’s rare that a long-term buddy will “break-up” with you or leave you. Men and women, on the other hand, leave each other for financial reasons, sexual reasons, family reasons, etc. Little Sally, who was your world, won’t be there after a terrible lover’s spat. It will be Stephen, your life-long buddy. So cultivate and maintain your male relationships, because you’ll need them. Even in the course of a healthy dating life, I still think weekly dinners with your buddies are crucial. I was neglecting my male friends for a bit, and I started to feel alienated. I’ve corrected it lately, and it allows me to feel more commanding in my life.
I think that men often enter or remain in sexual relationships because they fear loneliness or the prospect of being alone. Any position taken out of fear is a weak position. Such men have limited sexual options, can feel suffocated by the relationship and they may have lost any ability they formerly had to interact with new women. They may also begin to resent the current woman in their lives.
Soiled Linens
Prepare to do a lot of laundry. Because of item #4 on the list of Consequences of the Player Lifestyle, you’ll have blood on all your sheets. Most dry cleaners and laundries can’t get the stuff out, and beware if you’re working one of the cute girls behind the counter. I had an episode where I was working on a Tibetan girl at my dry cleaner – I eventually got her – and I had to strategically avoid bringing blood-stained sheets in for cleaning. Doing so would trigger that terrible emotion, jealousy, and I have no game plan for a jealous woman. I remember one particular session where the girl was bleeding profusely on my cock and my hand was covered in crimson because I had adjusted my dick. I leaned forward and kept thrusting, planting my outstretched palm on the virginal sheet. A big, red stain reminded of the episode.
So be prepared to change your sheets fairly regularly; even avoiding menstruating girls will not guarantee “clean” sheets. Hair strands, sweat, cum and worse all accumulate if you’re doing a lot of work.
Alternatively, you can do your athletics elsewhere, like on a faux bear-skin rug on the floor. I’ve been using that move recently, with prodigious results. Throw down a comfy faux-fur rug and some oversized pillows, and she’ll come hither without a problem. Get them on the rug by telling them to feel the softness on their bare feet. It gets their shoes and socks off and gets them standing on the rug – you kill two birds with one stone. Plus, the firmness of the floor with a little fur padding is incredible for screwing, as I mention in Castle and Kingdom: Surfaces.
The point is, if you avoid the bed, you’ll have fewer sheets to change. A faux-fur rug can be cleaned less frequently, but at higher cost (it costs me $18). If you elect to screw on your bed and you’re putting up big numbers, I’d suggest pale blue sheets – white shows shit and blood, black or navy sheets show ejaculate. While we’re on this point, I wouldn’t change the sheets while your girl is over, less she gets wise to your volume. Change them beforehand or have her change them the next morning. It will make her feel domestic and like a partner.
A bit of an update: I just bought a couple of 600 thread count Egyptian cotton Queen fitted sheets. They were on sale in Spanish Harlem for $6. Having a stock of these (I may get more) is crucial, because it seems like all the girls are menstruating these days. I was able to chuck a bloodied white sheet without compunction and dress my mattress in a beautiful new one. I’ve been doing more work on the faux-fur rug on the floor lately, which limits bleeding on the bed.
Sexual Ennui
This is a serious condition. Perhaps the gravest consequence (excepting disease)
of sleeping with many women is that a player can tire rather quickly with a new playmate. Really, it’s a simple function of exposure: the mind gets conditioned to expect novelty. It may start with pornography and mind-saturation by images of naked females. Once this behavior manifests in the real world and a certain volume of women passes before a man, he naturally becomes accustomed to the form. It takes a new girl, sometimes several, to excite him sufficiently. Or, a single girl can perhaps keep his interest if she’s sufficiently debauched and kinky (love those!). This has obvious bearing on the ability of a player to sustain a closed, monogamous relationship. Also, as the libido searches desperately for new terrain, it may find intrigue in previously unexplored arenas. Witness the celebrities, rock stars and athletes who venture into worlds of bestiality and same-sex play.