I. Philosophy and Mindset
Sleeping with multiple women is difficult.
You’ll often hear people speak of the double-standard between “sluts” and “players”, but those people are mistaken. Any girl can be a slut: excepting the deformed, most women can walk out onto the street and have a sexual engagement in less than ten minutes. They must simply proposition a few men, and they’ll have takers. Men, on the other hand, often have a difficult time seducing a woman even in the suggestive atmosphere of the bedroom. From what I’ve seen, nothing guarantees or automatically accelerates the process – not money, looks, the right car, education or a flashy suit. Simply put, it’s very difficult to sleep with a woman, unless you know exactly what you are doing.
Therefore, the age-old frustration at a perceived double-standard can finally be resolved: slut is a disparaging label because it takes no skill to achieve, whereas player is something a man wears proudly (if secretly) because he knows he’s in possession of a skill few others have. Verbatim, from a discussion with a fellow player:
- There are 10,000 different things you can do with a girl – 10,000 different ways to go – but only 3 will lead to you having sex with her. If you don’t know what you’re doing you’re never going to fuck her.
From the same conversation we discussed how sex won’t be on anybody’s mind unless you do certain things correctly. And if no one’s thinking about it, it will not happen.
Let me also say, at the outset, that learning to engage, seduce and have sex with women isn’t simply about notches on the bedpost. From my own experience, facility with the opposite sex goes beyond the sex act. Learning how to sleep with women will make a man more confident, easy going, masculine, proud and resilient in the face of challenge or rejection – all truly male qualities. In short, the best way to feel most comfortable and confident around all women is to learn how to sleep with many of them.
Let’s start at the beginning…high school. I grew in Santa Monica, California, land of palm trees and dry weather. I had twists and turns in my upbringing, but I’ll spare you the details. We’re here to learn the evolution of a player…
I was actually a bit of a pimp in 3rd and 4th grade, believe it or not; a cute kid with a sly smile and a mischievous grin. I was a class clown and goofed off, so as the stand-out I attracted my share of female admirers… They were only ten, keep in mind. I kissed a few at slumber parties and playing Bob-the-Apple, but real exploration would have to wait till college and beyond. I do remember Seven Minutes in Heaven… Shacking up in a dark closet and seeing what would happen between a girl and a guy.
My first real exposure to the female form was playing “house” with Melissa (my dad was dating her mom) in which we’d put a blanket over the coffee table, review some moves from Playboy magazine and then crawl underneath to attempt something. With a nine-year-old penis and a pre-pubescent vagina, I’m not sure what we were expecting, but our hot, clammy bodies were exciting. I used to tell people, much later, that I’d lost my virginity at 7 years of age. Not true. At least I don’t think so.
Fast-forward to late high school and several lay-ups bungled because I was insecure and would get so apprehensive about escalating a sexual situation. I’m talking about girls with their chests out and they’re reaching for my penis and I’m shy or awkward and then I choose to abort. Regretful situations, because we were both seventeen or eighteen, and I’ll never get those moments back. Well, there’s always progeny! My closest shot came freshman year in college with a girlfriend who was visiting from high school. But alas, too many drinks and… whiskey dick!
So, I was nineteen and hadn’t felt the inside of a woman with my penis. A sad state of affairs, but one I’ve found is a common fact of Casanovas – they tend to be late bloomers. It’s probably because this part of our life is not obvious and it is so central (I’d venture to say it’s central to all, and Freud would agree, whether people focus on it, or not). So it finally happened with a Mormon girl right after I turned 20… I was in my third decade of life before the fruit of Eve was mine for the sampling. And of course, along with every other red-blooded young man, I was sold!
College went along, and I soon developed an appetite for slightly kinky or non traditional sex, aided in no small part from the adventures I’d seen enacted on the World Wide Web. I remember a bachelor auction that was held in Boston, Massachusetts. It was college guys on the block and horny Wellesley girls bidding. A dark-haired Raven bought me after demanding that I show my dance moves onstage and after our first date, she stuck her tongue in my ass. May I recommend that to all who’ve not partaken. So, I started to accumulate experience about women – at least in dating and sleeping with them – and my understanding started to expand: what worked, what didn’t and what remained untested. I lived in Boston and had a business for the five years after school and I did well, but left some obvious opportunity on the table. Also, in the name of full disclosure, I’ve played both sides of the net: single and LTR. I’ve had about 6 serious relationships, ranging from several months to multiple years. Relationship skills, as we’ll see, borrow some tools from the single man’s toolbox, but keeping a woman happy long-term is a different animal that I’ll address only tangentially. Keep in mind, though, that preserving your integrity as a man will serve you in both models and even if the relationship ends, the woman will still look upon you fondly and respectfully. That’s been my experience.
And then I came to New York Fucking City. Never before had I seen such an abundance of God’s fruits: cherries, peaches, plums, apricots, melons…lots of melons. Give me a good, sunny, dry day in NYC and I’ll show you a playboy’s heaven. They’re everywhere. The challenge is to make the most of the harvest. And that’s what this e-book is about. I’m fortunate enough to live in the midst of the single best training ground on the planet, to have the interest and to be in the sweet-spot of life (as of this writing, I’m 32) so I can really say with confidence that I’ve done the research. In fact, I wrote a short manifesto in 2005, which got the ball rolling. I will spend the remainder of this book talking about strategies, approaches, psychology, rejection, conversion and loneliness – all real elements of a playboy’s life. But the journey’s been great, and I can assure you that your journey can be just as fun and prepare you for whatever lies ahead!
The Limits of Intuition
Some of what you read will seem counterintuitive, and it is. The reason for this is that the information contained in these pages is the result of research I’ve done as an extreme player and as a consequence, the skills you learn here are designed to elevate your game to extraordinary heights. This stuff is not a simple enhancement that takes common sense – women like flowers, for example – and tells you to buy carnations instead of roses. This material is of a qualitatively different character. Because of this, much of it falls beyond the range of normal men’s experience. The common bell curve (known in the physical sciences as normal distribution) describes the arrangement of data from almost any physical circumstance: people’s height, rainfall near the Equator, salinity of the ocean at certain depths, etc. It’s the same in the realm of human dating/sociology. What I’m disclosing here are tail phenomena: things that are extreme, counterintuitive and because of this, they produce prodigious results. On a normal distribution, tail phenomena occur in less than 10% of the data. A forward-tail event occurs only at the leading edge of the bell curve. For example, extreme height and its effect on income is felt most significantly in the fewer than 1% of humans who are over 6’10”. Why? Because they’re in the NBA. Same thing here. The skills I’m communicating are known to the top 2% of players and they use them to great effectiveness. That’s why it’s true that less than 5% of single men fuck over 90% of the single girls.
I’ve tried to highlight each of these strategies by indicating that they are counter-intuitive. You may have to re-read some of the stuff a couple of times before it sinks in. Even then, it will be theoretical. Only after trying it “in the field” and seeing what happens, will you fully own the technique. Hang in there and stretch beyond your comfort zone. You owe it to yourself to do so!
It’s Not Just About the Girls…
As with anything worthwhile, the skills you learn here are applicable outside the dating realm. I’ve found that the better I am with the women in my life, the stronger of a male friend I can be, and the more direct I am in business. The clarity necessary for approaching women cold is the same clarity I can focus on any situation in my life. A strong, confident, direct, unapologetic (but kind) man is the type of man who succeeds in dating…and in life.
Let’s dispense with another myth: a playboy is preying on women. There are some guys who single out weak, insecure women as targets, sure. When I’m meeting women, I don’t discriminate. I’ll talk to most women I find attractive and see where it goes. Some are mousy, shy, and insecure and others are confident, fun and humorous. How can you know if you don’t engage them? The issue here is that we, as men, must make contact with a lot of women so that we can relate, understand and get comfortable in their energy and point of view. Isolating from women, or spending too much time with a single girl or type won’t give you the breadth of knowledge to compare, judge….yes, judge…and decide about the women in your life. The more women you have flowing through your world the better, at least in the beginning. I can’t emphasize enough that the important thing is to have contact and interactions with a lot of women. That way, you’ll take them off the pedestal and bring them down to earth, where you can relate, joke, badger, tease, kiss, hold, fondle and fuck them.
So the question… the million dollar question is…How do I go from having no women, or perhaps one girl in my life, to living a life of feminine abundance?
I’m glad you asked.
But They do Have a Comparative Advantage…
Have you realized that women’s longer hair creates an illusion? Most young women look cute, don’t they? But, genetically speaking, it’s impossible (I think) for women as a gender to be better-looking than men. The average guy may look blah, but the average young girl appears cute. Granted I’m a heterosexual man, so I’m disposed to view the opposite sex as attractive. Nevertheless, it’s common script in our society that women are attractive, but men have other attributes, such as being providers, etc.
I take issue with that position, along biological lines. It seems impossible if we all come from common stock that they are cuter. What’s really going on here? It has to do with women’s capacity to create illusion (and God love ‘em for it) by doing certain things: keeping their hair long is a crucial one. Another is shaving their legs and pits. I’ve often tried to picture a somewhat cute girl with a short-cropped hair. It’s not necessarily a pretty sight. But, as men, we don’t often deconstruct it that way and we just see the beautiful locks of hair swinging in the breeze and we get excited.
The point here is that women have – over the last several hundred years, at least – learned techniques to enhance their appeal. Men have learned to enhance other aspects of their being, but physical appeal and relationship dynamics hasn’t been a focus, unfortunately. Man has built aqueducts, erected the Coliseum and sent humans to the moon, but we haven’t come too far when it’s about relating to the opposite sex. By ceding this responsibility, we’ve painted ourselves into a corner. Though we spend most of our life – if married – working closely with a woman, we have little understanding of the dynamic. Just as important, we have poor technology for attracting and pursuing our potential partner.
Most men are settlers. Some strive, but the challenge of meeting a great, beautiful woman can seem insurmountable, so men fall back on other opportunities: work, hobbies, golf, beer, football (on television), etc and accept the woman in their life. It doesn’t have to be this way. Buck up!
First, realize that these cute women you see streaming down the Avenues, or in their cars, or on the cereal aisle have all developed a keen sense of style and poise. Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Vogue, Teen Cosmo, etc. – they’ve been reading since middle school how to attract, secure and marry a “good man.” In that process, they’ve mastered topics like grooming, hygiene, style, flirting, phone conversation and many other subjects crucial to achieving a desired outcome in a sexual relationship.
This foundations guide is the Cliff Notes you need to catch up. In less than a hundred pages, I’m trying to get you from the second grade through to graduation – where the women have been for years. It’s your choice.
You both do. There’s a common misconception in our society that when a woman “gives” sex to a man, he’s “taking” something from her. At the very least, it’s only justifiable if the man has earned it; his reward is sleeping with the girl. This is ridiculous. It not only prevents women from becoming fully sexualized, liberated beings, it creates a corrosive dynamic between the sexes. Imagine how many orgasms a withholding woman has left on the table. Of course, chances are she’ll come to regret misusing her youth, but we rarely care to hear from old, doddering women complaining of bygone years of chastity.
The truth – as practiced in Europe, at least – is that young, healthy people should embrace their sexuality and if a woman is attracted to a man, she should proceed with her sexual intent, free of compunction. Though we may be moving (at a glacial pace) towards a more liberated sexual society, the fact remains that many American women have this mindset – the reward paradigm. So, why don’t we reverse it?
I had sex with a leggy Thai girl last night – the standard move. She is quite a knockout, and the sex was enjoyable. Afterwards, I was hungry so we went to this late-night sushi joint in the neighborhood. I paid – it was $81. How do I reconcile this with my cheapskate position? I hold out on the front-end only. In this case, I was rewarding her (and myself) because we had moved forward on my terms. I don’t think along such calculating lines in practice; it’s more of an intuitive thing: I just feel more comfortable spending time and money with a girl after I’ve had sex with her.
Constrained by the female reward paradigm, we all have less sex and more frustration. Inverting the paradigm creates a prostitution paradigm, I understand, but I believe that such a paradigm more realistically mimics how things should sit. If we, as men, are to be viewed as earners and providers, let’s bestow resources on those females who demonstrate worthiness. Blunt words, but what’s the alternative?
My last word on this is that the double-whammy of marriage and the female reward paradigm can drive a man to desperation. Not only has he entered (voluntarily) into a single-partner legal contract but then that “partner” decides how she will allocate sex. Of course, in an unhealthy relationship and one in which the man has no sexual alternatives, sex becomes a tool of manipulation for the woman. With little else at her disposal a bitter, frustrated, grasping, selfish wife will use sex to get what she wants. This is called dysfunction. God help both of those souls!
The most penetrating insight I can give you – and while it may initially seem obvious, you’ll learn it bears on almost every turn of a female/male relationship – is this: men live in a qualifying paradigm; women live in a disqualifying paradigm. What this means, in practical terms, is that most men will search for a reason to accept a woman and try to sleep with her. Granted, some men are in relationships or they have a full plate trying to manage the attractive women in their schedule. But, generally speaking, if a decent woman comes across the transom, a masculine guy will try to bed her. Not so with women: they’ll rather quickly disqualify a guy who makes a favorable first impression or meets only some of their criteria. The caveat here is that once they develop feelings for a guy, women are insane and have zero objectivity: the cliché of the gorgeous, smart girl with some uncouth idiot. I don’t advise manipulating women so they develop feelings for you because a) it’s very painful to her when she becomes disillusioned and b) a woman driven by passion is apt to do some irrational and potentially damaging/dangerous things in the name of “love.” Keep it casual if you’re playing big numbers. It’s tempting to have a girl on an emotional leash because it’s easy and a huge boost to the ego, but there’s no free lunch in this world and you’ll pay for it ten-fold.
Given their biology, women need to filter the men who approach them, so it’s natural they are more selective than we are. Unfortunately, that makes sleeping with them a tricky game of charades and limited disclosure. My experience has led me to believe women are simultaneously extremely judgmental, finicky, particular and fickle and profoundly accommodating, forgiving and tolerant. Of course, they’d have to be the latter as mothers – their maternal instinct isn’t too deeply buried. The insight is that they have to give the guy a chance, which means you have to clear their hurdle in the beginning. And here’s the kicker: once you’ve connected with a girl, you’re in. You don’t have to do much, simply don’t fuck it up. Once a woman is even slightly interested, you’ve won the battle. The key here is not to do something that sends up a red flag. As guys, however, most of our actions send up red flags, and we don’t have a guide to tell us, “Hey, don’t do that!” Until now, that is.
While counterintuitive, a key action in hustling is to do nothing. Too much action on the part of the guy creates opportunity for you to fumble (in many different ways) and to demonstrate indirectly that you want her too much. Human nature makes us suspect of things too easily offered. I’ve experienced this both as a pursuer (girl gets turned off by my apparent neediness) and as the pursued (once a girl is too available – unless I love her, and maybe even then – my interest wanes). Because women are instinctually tuned to noticing “red flags” we have to avoid raising them if we hope to succeed.
Perhaps the single most important rule is the rule of omission: limit your contact with the girl and what you reveal until after you’ve slept with her. This has been empirically verified by me and many other players. A girl you’ve just met could have almost any possible mindset; you don’t know how she’ll react to your choices, sense of humor, choice of first date location, willingness to spend money or not, etc. Basically, since you don’t know her, you’re taking a lot of risk spending “neutral” time with her, because she can observe you and sit in judgment. Chances are, you’ll be disqualified by many of the women. Or, perhaps more realistically, they’ll prolong the “neutral,” or non-sexual, phase of the relationship as they fact-gather (more like impression-gather). This gets to a point I’ll emphasize later: women are rarely in a hurry to be physical. Their timeline stretches forward for years (if you’re the right guy) and so “what’s the hurry?” And if you’re the “wrong” guy, then they don’t mind foregoing sex. In fact, they’d prefer to have sex with only those guys they think have potential. A missed sexual opportunity with a dude they decide is a loser doesn’t cause regret; for us men, if we bungle a chance with a hot girl, even if she’s not relationship potential, we can get our panties in a twist.
Therefore, limit your contact with them. My recent success rate is attributable to a system that brings them close and sexual immediately. I meet them on the street for a minute and then have them meet at my apartment around 10PM on a weekday. They come up and the mood is set. I bullshit with them for twenty minutes – they do all the talking, I simply ask leading questions – and then I make the move. Many go for it. Once you’ve crossed the sexual Rubicon with them, you’ll have much surer footing. You’re in a different category and the woman’s maternal instincts of forgiveness, patience, tolerance will emerge. If you want to, here’s when you can open a bit. Remember: Revelations before the Flood cause the Creek to run dry.
One word: volume. The key to getting comfortable with the cold approach is to do it again and again. After you’ve chatted up a hundred girls, you’ll be impenetrable. I do remember the butterflies-in-the-stomach phenomenon, but it’s been years since I’ve experienced it. The beauty of volume is eventually, you’ll have seen all types of responses, so you won’t get sideswiped or surprised. Your rap will inevitably improve because you’ll work out the kinks. Each new girl is just a small incremental point on the mass of women you’ve already picked up. This robs her of the “power” that other men assign beautiful women. And, as I’m sure she’ll appreciate, it allows you to speak to her as though she’s a normal, feet-on-ground human being (because she is!)
Keep in mind that “game” is a muscle that you must exercise. It’s not like riding a bike, a skill you’ll never lose. I know, because I lost a good amount of my rap while I was in a serious long-term relationship from summer ’05 to winter ’07. When I emerged, I was weak. I wasn’t useless because I’d cut my teeth here in NYC for three years, but I didn’t have the confidence, the sense of entitlement, the chutzpah that a successful player develops (and needs).
There is something unique to the attitude and body language of a player – he’s cocky, self-assured and unflappable. He can talk to women in a way that indirectly (or, if he chooses, directly) makes the interaction sexual. He takes liberties that others may find offensive, or at least objectionable. But, women take off their wet panties for him. The domain of a long-term relationship belongs to the woman and her job is often to civilize her man – to change him – and she works on him in myriad, subtle ways. That’s why married men are, for the most part, docile and malleable. An exhausted husband has little energy to protest against his wife’s conniving. A more gracious way to put it is that married men are more civilized than single men. Perhaps, whatever that means.
The point is that I emerged from my relationship and I hadn’t flexed my game in years. I’m happy to report that I’m up to speed once again (and then some), but I had to work for it. As David Deida writes, I had to lean into my edge. In some of the best pick-ups I’ve done, there’s a level of condescension, combativeness, and dismissiveness that isn’t acceptable in calm society. But it’s fun, and it produces results.
I remember thinking to myself, when my player buddy (who had been playing the game the whole time I was in a relationship) suggested I just have some girl come directly to my place: That isn’t fair, she expects a nice night out. I followed his advice, though, and fooled around with the girl. At issue is the fact that, as men, our interests are often at odds with theirs and if you don’t exercise control and deliberateness over the situation, you won’t get the girl(s). There is a women-as-commodities element to player thinking (obviously) that, while extremely effective, is very different than the deep humanity of meaningful interpersonal relationships found in family or the trust shared by a serious couple. I’ll explore this more in Consequences of the Player Lifestyle.
As you develop your skills, you may find this life isn’t for you. I respect that choice, and good luck. I do think that maintaining a spine with a woman, even if it’s just one and she’s your wife, has true benefits. Among the men out there who want to celebrate their youth by having an abundant variety of sexual experiences, I’m here to tell you that in beginning you’ll feel in your gut that you’re doing something “antisocial” or not very nice. The feeling can surface when you’re doing something as innocuous as walking up to group eating a table and engaging the one hot girl and running your rap, unaffected by what the other goofs at the table think. Or, it can surface when you pick-up a girl while her “friend” (a guy with weak game) stands nearby, agog, holding her shopping bags.
Or it can surface when a girl is all done-up thinking you’re going on an extravagant date but you tell her “Relax, what’s the rush? We have plenty of time…,” as you take off your shoes and stretch out on your couch. This feeling will subside as you see the results and realize that women are appreciative of your skills, effort and attention. There’s little in this world better than a woman lying naked on her back smiling in the initial glow of passionate lovemaking with the object of her sexual desire…
What is it? How do you develop more of this precious quality? Can you operate without it? Those are crucial questions for any man to ask himself. The benefit of a long-term relationship with a warm, caring woman is that you don’t always have to have mojo; she’ll love you and be close even if you falter. She will grow tired of bolstering your ego or supporting you, but a loyal female isn’t sensitive in the same way to your mojo. She’s more forgiving.
The girl on the street is the antithesis of your loyal girlfriend. She is suspicious, contemptuous, haughty, harried, bitchy and dismissive – unless you disarm her with your mojo. Strong mojo is what alpha males have that gives them a sense of entitlement and courage which the average Joe lacks. When a guy has strong mojo – when his game is superb – he can’t be knocked off his rocker. If you want to work the scene and have multiple attractive women in your life, you’ll need to cultivate your mojo and be sensitive to when it’s strong as well as to when it’s sputtering.
Mojo, essentially, is life energy that men feel when they are in congruity with their surroundings. They can exercise their normal masculine traits of dominance, initiative, risk-taking, pride and physicality with confidence and deliberateness. When my mojo is on, the rhythm of walk, talk and thinking is fluid, smooth, unhurried and relaxed; I’m funny, charming and confident. I beam with an unstoppable energy and most women I meet yield easily. Those that put up a challenge are fun; those that refuse to play or can’t are dismissed with nonchalance. When mojo is strong, you should go out and harvest. If you stay single a while and learn the dynamics of being a playboy, you’ll see that the single best weapon in your arsenal is strong mojo; it’s better than a flashy car, suit, cash, props, etc. It’s worth your while to take advantage of these periods. Keep in mind that strong mojo may only last an hour or two – or it could extend a couple of days. Use it to build inventory. When you’re unstoppable it will be like taking candy from a baby.
The opposite of good mojo is depression, self-absorption and regret. Generally, I’m not in a most aware state on my morning walk to get coffee. I will often see a cute girl, but let her go because I’m reluctant to approach. At this stage it’s not so much fear that keeps me at bay, but knowledge that I’m not compelling at the moment because my energy (mojo) is low. I’ll come across as a dud. This doesn’t mean that I am a dud, just that in this crucial first impression phase I won’t break her skepticism and signal fun, intriguing. Once I have some coffee and wake up, I’m on much better footing. I usually can chat them up on the way back home, even if I didn’t have the mojo on the way out.
The question then becomes, “Is there a way to operate when my mojo is low?” That’s a hard question, one I haven’t entirely figure out. Some things seem to help, including a caffeine boost from a strong cup of coffee. Walking around a bit, getting the blood flowing can help. Frankly, the thing that works best is “acting as if” and approaching women anyhow, even if you don’t want to. You may not be bringing you’re A-Game, but you’ll feel better and it’s valuable to know how you operate under adverse conditions. Also, if you remain mellow, you may still intrigue a girl, even if you don’t dazzle her with your presence. Who knows, she may have just been thinking how lonely she is…
Also, keep in mind that you practice this and work towards progress. The ideal of chatting up every hot girl in the city is elusive. The point is to work towards stronger game. I’m a professional pick-up artist and I still encounter scenarios where I can’t make the move or the logistics interfere. I was just walking a girl to the store (after an afternoon shag) and we passed the local commuter college. It was teaming with cuties, but my hands were tied, so to speak. I said good-bye and came back through the frenzy. I stopped to talk to a cute Russian girl. We chatted for longer than usual – maybe five minutes – and I took her number. As I was walking away 1…2…3…4…really cute girls passed by, coming out of class, out of the subway. Cognizant that Ms. Russia was probably keeping an eye on me, I walked past each of them until number 4. I asked for directions, but then didn’t close it and walked away.
As I’ve mentioned, pick-up is performance, and sometimes I’m just too tired or unfocused to deal the cards.
The Difficulty with Groups
Have you noticed that women, especially young ones, always want you to come out while they’re with friends? You know they do that so their friends can scrutinize you… This behavior tapers off as women become older, but it very pronounced with post-college girls. They feel safest in a public place and in clusters with their roommates/friends. This serves them; it doesn’t serve you at all. A public place prevents the guy from escalating the situation towards sex and the group presents several problems.
The obvious problem with a group of girls is that you’re going to have a hard time breaking away the one you like. Her friends (especially the ugly ones) will invariably cock-block. You may put in an hour of strong game at a lounge, but try getting her to leave her friends. She’ll always have some idiotic excuse, like she can’t leave her three roommates alone. It doesn’t matter that she sees them 7 days a week and they’re all full adults. It doesn’t matter because she doesn’t really want to be alone with you…yet. Again, she wants to control the timeline and a woman generally doesn’t care if a relationship gets sexual tonight or next week.
The more subtle and intractable problem however, is that her friends will judge you because you’re on display. Like your buddy at a strip club leaning in and saying, “This lousy stripper has saggy tits, God Damnit!” these female friends are going to feed your girl a mix of opinions. This point needs elaborating. Bear with me as I invoke the Real Estate section of the New York Times.
I was reading about real estate brokers here in Manhattan, a class of worker who knows how to hustle if anyone does. The article was about the “Dangers of a 2nd Opinion.” It could have applied to dating in the city, just as well. The article interviewed several veteran brokers who discussed the dynamic of the “friend” who comes along to give a second opinion. The basic idea was that a prospect is often sold on an apartment, ready to buy. They like the package. As a knee-jerk, the prospect says, “You don’t mind if I get a second opinion, do you?” The agent cringes. What invariably happens, the seasoned agents go on to say, is that the “friend” who comes around feels obligated to find fault in the apartment to justify their own presence. It’s just human nature, the agents explain. To feel they have value-add, the second party often takes a contrarian stance, even if the deal is objectively attractive. The brokers claim to have lost plenty of decent deals just this way.
Back to the girl sitting at the booth drinking, surround by her three girlfriends. What do you think they discuss when you go to the bathroom? At least one must take a contrarian position, out of jealously, her need for attention, to control the conversation, whatever. And females, being the conservative creatures they are, will be swayed by this vocal contrarian. Of course, you could bring some buddies to neutralize the flank-females, but that’s a project fraught with logistics, etc., and then it’s a big party.
So, Where Are They?
If you need money, you go to the bank, the ATM, or maybe call Daddy. Kidding. If you want groceries, the market is down the street. Gas? The station is on your way to work. So, what about that other essential, pussy? The answer is they’re everywhere. And, they want you to say “Hi.” As in all aspects of life, the difference between a rebuff and success is execution. It doesn’t matter if she’s in a business suit having a working lunch, a hostess or a taxicab driver (I’ve yet to meet a hot taxi driver, but you never know.) If you live in a city or even a populous suburban area, just open your eyes. There are girls everywhere. Statistically, they outnumber us men, something like 51% to 49% globally, so never complain of a shortage. Our incarcerated brothers may have a legitimate gripe (note: inmates who read this please drop a line to email@example.com, if possible). Other hamstrung populations include truck drivers, oil platform engineers, sailors and astronauts. But the rest of us have nothing to complain about. The women who will be in your bed are in your life now, but you haven’t made the connection. They all have sex – they all need sex – and you will learn the skills to identify them and convert them into satisfied sexual partners.
Brass tacks: I find the street a great place because the women are out in the open, I can read their body language, and I can see them coming. I’ll get back to approaches in a second, but let’s think about some other places that are conducive to meeting likely ladies (which most are!)
Bars/Nightclubs: not my forte. I have reason to suspect these places are nothing more than money-makers for purveyors of liquor, mops and salted nuts. There’s too much working against the man on the hunt in this type of environment. Women’s egos are boosted because they’ve spent hours getting dolled up so they look their best (or their friends tell them so). Male competition means that ten seconds before you arrived and ten seconds after you leave another dude will be in front of her maw. Male intention is transparent in the nightlife scene: all the girls know that we’re thinking with our smaller heads. Liquor doesn’t help, because we beer goggle and our crudeness really comes out.
This leads to the Great Nightlife Irony: women adopt a defensive attitude amidst the very circumstances in which they have voluntarily placed themselves. It’s irrational and a stupid, predictable game. Don’t be a fool. Girls love the attention, no doubt, but they get all pretty, immerse themselves in the center of a bunch of drunken guys, and then complain about men hitting on them! Insane. It’s groupthink at its worst, and once you’re in the general category of “guy” you’ll be treated with a universal, dismissive policy. That’s why I avoid bars and clubs.
Structured Environments: included in this category are speed dating, list parties, and most other controlled social environments. These are less than ideal, too, for some of the reasons mentioned above. Any environment which caters to a woman’s ego is generally not ideal for a connection. I’m not saying women should be sniveling, weak-spined, cowardly beings. On the contrary, I like healthy, vibrant, humorous, confident women. But, if there’s structure to an event, such as there is in speed dating, and some kind of agenda, I find women are less responsive to general playfulness. They can’t see the obvious fact of an intelligent, clever, fun guy standing in front of them. Instead, they’re waiting for the signal that the games have begun.
In addition, events usually attract groups of girls, called “clusters.” These clusters are harder to entertain and engage then the single girl on the street. It can be done, but you have the perennial problem of the cock-blocker, the ugly friend, and choosing which one to go for. You can only safely make a play for a single chick, so if it’s not obvious whom you like, you can shoot yourself in the foot. Also, asking for a girl’s number in a group setting forces her to go out on a limb and give it – conceding she’s single and has an interest. If she even thinks another girl present doesn’t approve of you, you won’t get the digits. Her risk profile is like this: she’d rather refuse an interesting opportunity (you) then run the risk of possible flack from an acquaintance or friend who doesn’t approve. This groupthink dissipates after about 24 years of age, but then you’re dealing with a different type of girl. Unfortunately, the young ones are often social idiots.
A Grocery Store is good because there are lots of props, everyone must shop for food, and you’ll be there in the daytime, most likely. She’s probably alone and she’s psychologically unguarded. Also, you get some points for meeting in a neutral, “domestic-oriented” setting.
The Subway is ideal because you’re forced to be time-constrained, everyone uses it, it’s open all day and you’re in close physical proximity to start with. Note: make sure you know your stop or find out where she gets off. Ask for the number no more than thirty seconds before you part company. Any longer and the conversation may go flat or awkward because you’ve already made your play by getting the digits.
The Street is the best because you can approach and exit in 4 directions. You can observe them coming and see their bodies and how they walk/carry themselves. It’s daytime (street game at night is too scary for them; don’t try it) and everyone walks. You aren’t being overheard by others (like in the subway or grocery store) which can make either you or her self-conscious. If it goes poorly, you have plenty of space to exit (again, unlike the grocery store, especially if you’re in line or the subway in which you have to continue standing/sitting next to her). Also, there’s so much activity on a busy street that you can use as talking points or noise coverage if you say something stupid.
A Bookstore is good because you get literate women. Also, you can strike up a conversation about a book or magazine (a bit of a tired approach, I’d say…) and the atmosphere is usually relaxed and hushed, conducive to a quite, intimate conversation. You’ll likely get props for being literate or at least appearing so.
Windows of Opportunity
Two words: take them. Chances are the hot girl walking past you alone will never cross your path again, and if she does, she may be on some guy’s arm. Remember Gretzky’s famous dictum: “I miss 100% of the shots I don’t take.” It’s much better to take a shot and get rejected than to let an opportunity pass by. This is because you’ll often be pleasantly surprised, but also because your ego will reward you for taking initiative. Failing to act will force you deeper into a fear-based morass of self-doubt. Keep taking shots, all the time. Who cares? You’re not breaking any laws, and there’s only upside, really.
Scenarios involving a hot chick don’t remain inert for long. If you see a hot girl minding her own business, I guarantee that conditions will change, imminently. These types of woman don’t remain in the free agent state for long. You think you’re the only dude who’s noticed her? Either she’ll get approached while you’re scratching your balls, or some guy will call or text her asking what she’s doing. Once this happens, you’re chance is gone. I’ve seen this play out for me many times. I’ll go into a Starbucks and see a hot girl sitting alone reading or staring off, drinking a coffee. I’ll think to myself, “I’ll get her on the way out.” Nine times out of ten, I’ll come back two minutes later and some guy is introducing himself, or she’s on the phone twirling her hair and laughing. My shot is gone. The hotter they are, the smaller the window of opportunity.
You can keep the window open with money, but that’s a book some other guy can write. Let’s move on.