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	<title>Paul Janka &#187; friend-zone</title>
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	<link>http://www.pauljanka.com</link>
	<description>Confessions of a New York Playboy</description>
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		<title>Avoid the Friend Zone: Ladder Theory</title>
		<link>http://www.pauljanka.com/2009/06/17/ladder-theory/</link>
		<comments>http://www.pauljanka.com/2009/06/17/ladder-theory/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 18 Jun 2009 01:18:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Paul Janka</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Dating Advice]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[friend-zone]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ladder theory]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[social theory]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.pauljanka.com/?p=37</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Funny enough, the girl who inspired this article just ordered my ebook&#8230; That&#8217;s a common experience &#8211; women whom I&#8217;m seeing find out about my business and as they get comfortable with me and my message (if they do&#8230;), they often order the book to read what I really think about women&#8230;
Keep in mind, Attraction [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-43" title="ladder-theory-featured" src="http://www.pauljanka.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/ladder-theory-featured2-300x157.jpg" alt="ladder-theory-featured" width="300" height="157" />Funny enough, the girl who inspired this article just ordered my ebook&#8230; That&#8217;s a common experience &#8211; women whom I&#8217;m seeing find out about my business and as they get comfortable with me and my message (if they do&#8230;), they often order the book to read what I really think about women&#8230;</p>
<p>Keep in mind, Attraction Formula was written at the peak of my hustler days, over a year ago. Since then, I&#8217;ve gotten busy with a lot of business-related activities, and my attention has broadened beyond just bedding women. Also, I have some really great women in my life whom I see regularly, so that&#8217;s slowed the velocity of new women into my life. Nevertheless, as you read in these articles, I still do fine and I am about to embark on a 3-month world tour with the express purpose of chasing and bedding women in some of the world&#8217;s swankiest settings&#8230;</p>
<p>So, this young lady, J., just bought my ebook. She&#8217;s a very smart girl that works as a software engineer at a company that is the boon/bane of my existence: Google. It&#8217;s a boon because it drives our business through paid-search; it&#8217;s the bane of my existence because almost every girl I meet uses it as a research tool in her quest to identify and snatch the &#8220;ideal&#8221; guy. I get disqualified early on in the process because of&#8230;.well, because of my Google-ability&#8230;</p>
<p>So, J. (who, by the way starts every sentence with, &#8220;So,&#8230;&#8221; a common trait among engineers who like to start thinking from first principles) was telling me the other night in bed about Ladder Theory.</p>
<p>From a man&#8217;s point of view, women are always on a single ladder: they can always be considered sexually and most men spend time and attention on women they find sexually desirable.</p>
<p>Women, on the other hand, view men either on a one ladder or another: the &#8220;friend&#8221; track of the &#8220;lover&#8221; track. And, according to J., ladder jumping is prohibited and almost always impossible&#8230; In fact, when a patient man who has been biding his time on the &#8220;friend&#8221; ladder tries to make the jump, the outcome is invariably AWKWARDNESS.</p>
<p>I subscribe to this model, but personally I have burned the &#8220;friend&#8221; ladder &#8211; there&#8217;s never a chance a women will consider me a friend, first and only. I&#8217;m too aggressive, and I won&#8217;t hang around an attractive women for long if she wants me to sit politely in her &#8220;friend&#8221; category.</p>
<p>I rather have a women become disgusted with me and throw me out then for her to feel &#8220;safe&#8221; and &#8220;cuddly&#8221; with me, when I have a strong libidinal desire for more&#8230;</p>
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