Rejection Comes With The Territory
From time to time, I hear a guy make excuses by saying that of course I get a lot of girls because of my looks…
I want to share two quick stories with you now of failures, so you know that I get my share of crash-and-burns, as well.
It’s true that I have spent time developing my strengths, particularly in the areas of attitude and fashion. My style often works for me, and since I’m in the business of females, I spend a considerable amount of time, energy and money looking my best. I also have the luxury of experimenting and trying new looks, techniques and wardrobes.
While it’s true that all this has a positive effect on “game” it’s false to assume that I can get any girl, or that they all respond. I encounter rejection just like other guys do.
Girl #1: Met her in Chicago last weekend. I was at a popular nightclub and Angela was outside smoking a cigarette with her friend. She had on a tight white dress and a large, visible tattoo on her back. She had a trashy but sweet look to her. I talked to the two girls for a few minutes about Hollywood, Chicago, tattoos and the nightclub scene.
She was interested in me, which was clear. I took her number. She told me that she couldn’t really hang out that night because she was at another dude’s table. She wanted to meet the next day, though. I gave her a hug and went into the club. I could feel by running my hand down her side that she wasn’t wearing any underwear.
Later that night I saw her dancing on the banquet with her shoes off, obviously drunk.
I texted her late night but she wouldn’t come over. Saturday was a busy work day, so we traded few texts. When I got back to the hotel room, I called her and she sounded eager to meet me for a drink. I told her after my late dinner at 10PM.
Fast forward: she’s at my hotel door, having valeted her car in the parking garage below. She comes in and sits in a single chair in the large hotel room. She does not sit on the bed – not a good sign. I have to pull up a chair and sit next to her. It’s an awkward angle.
I start massaging her and slide off her dress straps. She doesn’t let her 24-year old breasts spill out like I hoped she would.
Eventually, I get her shoes off and she’s on the bed, but she’s reluctant. We kiss and she pulls away. This girl is clearly a slut, and I don’t say that because she’s in my hotel room. It’s just her attitude. A girl who wants to have sex right away isn’t a slut, she’s just horny; a slut is a women who is sloppy in terms of her thoughts, emotions, goals and attitude. Ironically, I don’t do well with these types. I think they can feel a player and they get guarded. I have, many a time, been shut down by girls who are easy for everyone else. Isn’t that funny!
Long story, short, she wanted me to take her downstairs for a drink and then “maybe something will happen.” I had to laugh. She was trying to bargain with me. I also know from experience that if they are talking that way they’ll take me for a fool and then back out after the drink. She clearly wasn’t into my vibe, which was fine.
Oh, I forgot to mention that she let me pull her panties down, but then reversed course. Nonsense.
The most interesting thing about this is that she said at one point, a few minutes before she left, “You don’t know how to play this game,” indicating with her gesticulating arms that she meant “seduction.” I played dumb and asked, “What game?”
No booty, but no associated expenses, either. That’s what I call a “no deal” meeting. Neither party benefits, and neither party loses.
GIrl #2: Much shorter story. On my way to Brooklyn this afternoon, I was walking down a busy street towards the subway and a hot brunette fumbling with a cigarette walked towards me. I looked good: scruff, shades, long hair, sexy new leather jacket.
I thew out a causal question: “Hey, you know where the subway is?”
She walked right past the bait. All I got for my efforts was a half head-turn and a, “I’m sorry.”
She didn’t even break gait. And I’m a professional!
Be easy on yourself. We’ll never know why that hot one we saw yesterday didn’t stop.
It’s part of the mystery. But….there’s always “Next!”
It makes me feel a lot better knowing that even a guy like you, who obviously has a lot of experience picking up women, still gets blown off. Cause it doesn’t feel good when a woman just looks at you like you’re crazy. But like you said, you just gotta ignore it and work with the girls who dig you. Love the new blog, keep up the fantastic work.
It takes balls to approach a woman cold and start a conversation. Most women have no idea what we put ourselves. Then they just shoot us down. I’d like to see some hot-but-dumb girl try and approach a decent looking guy who has his shit together and get him interested in her. If he has standards he’ll just politely decline her and when she feels terrible about it, she would have some idea what most normal guys go through. But maybe I shouldn’t even be thinking about rejection any. What good does that do me?
I have to agree, like paul said its figured into the equasion. Getting shutdown is the price that you have to pay to be successful. I personally dont believe that Mystery guy, he gives the impression that he is like a sniper and can get any girl, i think its bs.
I think we should just accept the rejections as a price we pay, if we want the goods from the supermarket, you got to pay when you get to the checkout!
I call the realy bad and orkward and embarrasing shudowns “Battle Scars” You got to have a few bad battlescars if your going to be good
Just more proof that you have to start where you are, use what you have, and do what you can.
I guess you never know who’s unreceptive – or would string you along – until you approach. Then again, the opposite is also true – there’s nothing more pleasantly surprising than seeing an apparently closed-off woman brighten up to your approach. It’s all about the numbers.
“You gotta break a few eggs in order to make the omlette”
I got this one from David D., although he probably has it from somewhere else…
There is always the other side to the story, don’t forget that. Maybe she had a bad day, doesn’t have to be you. I know that I treat myself quite badly, I always beat myself down for anything… Just be yourself, do your best and see what comes out, if you don’t make it, accept it; at least know you did your best, right
?
And don’t let it bring you down…
Nice stories Paul…
Your system is awesome, Paul…I’m collecting numbers regularly now and had 2 dates this week. Both only drank 1 drink though! WTF??
Great post. Very inspirational.
Alot of women, and good friends that are hot ones all say “you just radiate the player look”, which sucks, while i actually am a player im pissed that women can just look at me and assume it,, eventually when i bang them which usually does happen they all say the same thing, “your such a player”, how does one avoid being labled as this even though im doing nothing but hanging out with my guy friends and having some drinks….
Mystery and other PUA style guys deal with the most rejection because they’re so superficial and unauthentic. (Tho from his OUA show on VH1 it seems like fool proof – B.S. TV at it’s best). The more authentic and balanced you are, the smaller the scale of rejection you’ll deal with. But, everyone has to deal with rejection on some level. Our egos assure ourselves that “She would be stupid to not want to be with me.” Then, when we get rejected we might feel offended. But when you know you’re an authentic character man you have to accept rejection. If your not getting rejected your not trying.
I slightly disagree with Andrew over here.
When you are more authentic you may actually have more rejections.
1) Many people don’t now how to handle someone who is honest. A woman recently told me “Many girls don’t want someone who can see through their insecurity”.
Why do you think there are so many attractive women with pussy men?
2) When you are more authentic and approach more you will sometimes know the interaction is not going anywhere. So technically, it is not that you’re not getting rejected, you just cut your losses.
3) I have realized most guys are not successful simply because they don’t really go after women. And those who do don’t refine their technique, in terms of getting the kind of girl they truly want and feeling more relaxed and confident.
4) Bottom line: you approach more, you get rejected more but then you get laid more!
Rejection has nothing to do with how attractive you are.
“A girl who wants to have sex right away isn’t a slut, she’s just horny; a slut is a women who is sloppy in terms of her thoughts, emotions, goals and attitude. ” – So true!!!
“I think they can feel a player and they get guarded. I have, many a time, been shut down by girls who are easy for everyone else. Isn’t that funny!” – So so soooo true.
Great post. You hit the nail on the head with sluts.
Paul Janka, you are the master daygame guy here, but may I offer advice?
“I thew out a causal question: ‘Hey, you know where the subway is?’
She walked right past the bait. All I got for my efforts was a half head-turn and a, ‘I’m sorry.’”
Never open with a yes or no question. You should have said, “Hey, where is the subway?” A question phrased this way requires more thought investment for her to answer. She has to say, “um I don’t know” at the very least. If you do it like that, It’s harder for her to say no and just walk away.
Just walk away midsentense as Paul does, when the interaction isnt going anywhere but down the drain. Thats what ive done alot. Its friggin fun to